I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
