no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
