Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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