i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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