the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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