He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
