Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
