lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
