its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
