i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
