My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
