You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
