Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
