I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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