You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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