i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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