I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority