I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.