Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
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just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
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We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home