Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
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Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day