How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.