You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
