Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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