Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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