I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
not ubering you a puppy
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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