I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
