You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
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He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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