winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
