I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
