smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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