i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
