found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
