I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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