i think my tv is drunk
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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