but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
