If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
