loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
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..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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