very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
