My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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