You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
