pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
