he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
