I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
