If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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