Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
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