I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I party with great urgency now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
