He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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