Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
