i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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