Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
