I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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