Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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