I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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