I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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