Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
