She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
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there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
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