There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
