she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
