Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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