Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
