Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
If I die, sorry about rent.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
