i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
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