I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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