So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
