How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
