he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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