While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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