Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
