Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
My breasts were aching with rage.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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