Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
