I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
