I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
