my soul wont recognize me after tonight
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
