Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
