he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
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