Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
We left an ass print on the piano.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
