I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
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