oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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