I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
