Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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