It's like God shit irony all over that family
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
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this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
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you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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