nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Randomize
